Heyyyyy what the hell is this??? Who is this guy?? Is this the same guy, whom I used to know?? How can this chap think of doing this… writing a blog,,, that too ‘his love story’??
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| with U... |
--- Prologue---
Something is really wrong with this guy,,, dimag me kuch chemical locha ho gaya hai (something really wrong with his brains, he has gone nuts). This is d guy, who used to call himself an introvert; who will never share the things close to his heart. But wait, how can this guy call himself an introvert at all, he is the one who had sent the friend request on FB* and started the chatting…
--- Mulaquat: The Meet-Up: fast forward in slow motion ---
It was just another evening rather 12 in the night of 17-March. The festival of colours HOLI had passed without a fuss. The day started by dragging myself out of the bed, then completely getting exhausted by the hectic routine at office, completing the daily chores and then jumping onto the bed to relax all the organs of my body. I was thinking, what next?? Is it just gonna end just like other day. The heart said a big Nooooooooo; after all life is not just about office, and the body organs agreed. Just then the super-powerful mind jumped in-between, laughed and said, ‘You are making decision without your boss's permission, it is very late and you have lots of work tomorrow in office. Go and sleep!’ All the body organs already too tired by the day’s routine, felt it like their need and the decision was taken. I was going to sleep now with music playing on the laptop and browsing the FB* (consolatory win for the heart). The ears soon left listening to the soulful Deewana* album and the eyes almost closed, not having any further energy to browse through the FB* timeline. Soon the hands had its orders to put the laptop aside and sleep.
But wait something unusual happened, my eyes caught someone else’s eyes on the screen. The spark in those eyes had the capacity to lighten million bulbs at a time and the smile on the face could have put life in the dead. How could I have been left aloof by magical power of the divine creature? I do not know how, but soon I had all the energy; the eyes lit up to see the charisma of the face, the ears could hear the songs clearly. She seemed like an angel who just had cast the spell on me. Our only mutual friend had commented on her profile pic and it was displayed on my news feed. Immediately I decided to know more about her. (Almost everything was hidden as she was not in my friend list and I could not find much about her.) I was in dilemma on what to do, but in other 10 minutes after browsing through one more photo; I knew what I had to do. I had sent a Friend Request on FB* and dropped a sweet emoticon of child wizard saying ‘Hi’. Soon my brain said to my heart ‘You fool! Is it a movie that the girl will respond you back like this?’ The heart soon blamed the eyes and ears; but it had all the hope of getting a reply back. Soon a flashing message of ‘Hiii, do I know you???’; calmed down all the tumult and I was smiling. But soon the joy fade away and tension crept-in; what nextttt,,, what to reply?? It has been years since I had chatted. “I do not know you…" with this truth, I started the reply; somehow I passed that hurdle and chatted for almost two hours with not so prompt replies and so many IFs, BUTs, WHYs and HOWs. But I had won the first battle, the toughest one (was it really the toughest). We exchanged some very basic intros about each other. Thank you to the time-zone difference that it was not that late in India; it was almost three in the morning and we closed chatting for the day. And then what happened shows, I was surely under spell. As soon as it ended, the whole body again started aching and complaining, but still it felt good.
My heart communicated in bolly* style to me, ‘har mulaquat ki ek kahani hoti hai, aur is mulaquat ki bhi ek kahani hogi – HumTum*’ (every meet-up has a story and this has 2 be a beautiful story). What? What? What did I just said?? Bade bujurg sach kehte thei, ye filme ladkon ka dimag kharab kar rakha hain. (Old experienced folks have said correctly, the movies have poisoned the brains of these young guns)
--- The MELODRAMA: Outside and Inside ---
The mind always kept on saying me ‘you have gone crazy, how could you LIKE someone so much whom you have not even met?’; and this again brought a smile on my face.
We had started chatting intermittently on a daily basis. Always a ‘No more chatting’ kept popping from her and my persuading skills were always being tested and their certification stages kept on getting harder. I was always the one who was initiating the chat and kept on asking questions. To some there were beautiful replies and to some it was a big Noooo. My heart kept my brain in control; and the reason I believe so, my EGO was always under check. The heart had clearly defined its dominance.
Both our birthdays were approaching, mine a week before hers. I hardly had any big plans; but I did expect a call from her. The unexpected rather expected happened; I neither received any chat message nor a call. There was an ache, as I was told by this time to be in her good friend’s list. She remembered her miss the next day and apologies went flowing. That coupled with the informal words like ‘Nautanki’ made me feel better and soon all the sadness had perished. The focus again shifted to her upcoming b’day and it was becoming difficult (rather herculean task) to choose a gift, as I had never sent an online gift to anyone till date. Leave aside online gift, I rarely had sent gifts to my friends. I wanted to make her feel VERY SPECIAL and still be in the limits (though clueless about the limits). I had decided to place two orders and that it’s count increased by one more, post I received an email stating delay in the delivery from courier. Finally I had sent a bouquet of fifty red roses, cake AND a Ganesha* statue the next day with two idiotic notes with each delivery. [“People always say that there are so many opportunities around (from career perspective, I believe ), you need to see them and utilize.”] I thought the occasion of her b’day as opportunity to be better placed in her heart and thoughts.
Now was the time for the feedback of how well I had utilized my opportunity. It was exactly like your professional career and the results never comes up to your expectations. And performance appraisal was not so filmy, rather it created havoc in my side of relationship; very few replies next two days and then off the radar for other two days. Finally I decided to call her and her reply doomed my senses. I was just able to say "Okkkk, What more to say; All the best." (What happened next few minutes was very fast in terms of actions and yet too slow to have millions of thoughts.) I was dumbstruck; de-activated the FB* profile twice, cursed myself, got angry at the moment and…and … AND in-between all these, somehow her photo came in front of my eyes and I was spell-bound, againnnnnn
Now was the time for the feedback of how well I had utilized my opportunity. It was exactly like your professional career and the results never comes up to your expectations. And performance appraisal was not so filmy, rather it created havoc in my side of relationship; very few replies next two days and then off the radar for other two days. Finally I decided to call her and her reply doomed my senses. I was just able to say "Okkkk, What more to say; All the best." (What happened next few minutes was very fast in terms of actions and yet too slow to have millions of thoughts.) I was dumbstruck; de-activated the FB* profile twice, cursed myself, got angry at the moment and…and … AND in-between all these, somehow her photo came in front of my eyes and I was spell-bound, againnnnnn
The uphill task now was to get her talking mode again. Even more difficult especially when she had told about the gifts to her mom (I knew, though she had never told me).
I did not had any doubts on the wisdom of my sister; but what kept baffling me was the exact reason for sudden stop in all communications. She seemed to have biggest curve on her face after having gifts, though a bit baffled in her talk with me. So what exactly went wrong And the continuous fighting b/w brain and heart was making the situation worse for ME. I tried controlling both of them and concentrated back on what wrong I did, and was it that big? Was it too many questions, too many gifts, two calls for b’day wish, my straightforwardness in expressing things, her dis-interest in talking to me al-together, OR any other external factors. All my senses worked together, but still I could not come to any conclusion. So my professional-life-experienced brain said; do a RCA*, you need to get to the source of problem. So it was decided that I have to communicate with her; but the big question remained, HOWWWW???
One day I read a blog from my old friend depicting our life in school days in my small beautiful city. Now I had the idea; but heartbeats and neurons in the brain kept on fighting. How can an educated, experienced, mature, responsible, respected and working professional like me, do such a thing?? “What will happen to your respect, your stand in your society??”. All these ideas were juggling in my mind with the solution no-where near. The songs of upcoming movie ‘2 States’, felt to be written for me only; ‘Chandaniya’ used set me on emotional high and ‘Locha-E-Ulfat’ smiling. All the romantic flicks from Bollywood and Hollywood were running LIVE before me. It was not just the movies flashing before my eyes, rather I was playing the protagonist in those romantic flicks . In all this, I had missed to get down at my metro station and believe me I was smiling at that as well. Mehrooni* had become closer to my heart. The mythological writings also crept in my thoughts. The famous saying to Tulsi Das* ‘Itna pyar agar kaam se kiye hote to kya se kya ban jate (you could have become a tycoon, if you had invested this much time for career)’. But I was driven by another proverb,‘Behind every successful man, there is a girl’.
--- There was so much happening in the world as well ---
India lost T20 championship to Sri Lanka, poor Yuvi was made a scape-goat. I felt bad for the champion. But it again reminded, life is not always just, so be prepared. It was all Namo VS Kejri and I felt bad to have missed to be part of the electoral process (and thought of the need of an online process, for the guys like me who are outside India). There was no signs for the where about MH-370, Ukraine and Russia continue to be in dead-lock over Crimea. The famous author ‘Gabriel García Márquez’ passed away and I remembered one of his famous quotes, “The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love.” It is not that I have read all his novels, but the only one I read had made a deep impact on and in me. Meanwhile a new planet similar to earth which could support life is found by Kepler space telescope; I hope we will still keep on understanding the importance of motherly earth and do not destroy it.
--- Back to the Drama ---
I could not understand the reason of why I was writing this. Was this for her or me? And I still do not have answer. I was not even sure what sort of writing is this called in the literary world. But I was sure that I had to do something. As far as I know her, she is an avid reader, so am hopeful that she will read this. The outcome of this, I was not worried much now. The probability of her drifting away is higher, as I felt she was not ready for this. I really tried hard many times while writing this to keep this tactical, so that she starts talking again, then build upon the friendship and then… But it would have been farce and chances of mistake was much more as I would not have been writing from the heart. The risk is still very high, as I am not good at articulating my thoughts. Was I in love???
Actually both my brain and heart said to me, “If you will see this is not 100% correct”. I know it sounds a lot idiotic 2 say, u are talking about just knowing her better, after talking so much. “So d answer is Yessss.. Love in the late 20's happens this way.. Dimag bich me aa hi jata hai (brain comes in-between all the decisions to be made by heart)” I also wanted to know her before I could decide, if she fits into my life. Though I had browsed through all the details visible as public, on the magical sites on internet; but fact still remains, as she said, ‘I didn’t knew her.’ While in b/w all these thoughts, I was worried if I am going to hurt her anymore. When I said this to a friend, as a story of third-person; he immediately said, “Do not be A**H**E, and tell my friend that hurting is important many times (almost all times these days) to make the girls understand. These girls are not the angels from the romantic movies..... Just ask him to think about himself. Bahut ladkian milengi, bus-train aur ladkian aate-jate rehti hain (he will have as many gals he wishes in life)”. I thought I was also not a saint, so had no such expectations from her. I rejected that idea of hurting, though one corner of brain said to do so, based on what all I have seen in life. Also rejected the idea of NOT running behind her, as the other pretty girls won’t be HER.
So many things were happening for the first time, I did not reasoned whether it was good or bad. I was sharing this with my friends and was asking for their suggestions (still not sure why I was not divulging her details). I wanted the whole universe to intervene and set things right. ‘Though it is one sided now, but if there will be love, then everything will fall in place’; this idea had made me calm.
So many things were happening for the first time, I did not reasoned whether it was good or bad. I was sharing this with my friends and was asking for their suggestions (still not sure why I was not divulging her details). I wanted the whole universe to intervene and set things right. ‘Though it is one sided now, but if there will be love, then everything will fall in place’; this idea had made me calm.
I was sad, happy, smiling, frowning, doing mistakes yet laughing, moving my feet to songs in public, lost in my thoughts; and all at the same time. I had gone crazy, and I had no doubts on that.
--- End ---
Between all this fighting in my thoughts, the chirping of birds signaled; yet another day has started. The time on my laptop displayed 07:00 am, 18-April-2014, it was exactly a month since I met this gal. The sunrise (seen through the trees and tall buildings), looked mesmerizing. I knew one thing well by now without any confusion, ‘It is not that I just like her, I AM IN LOVE WITH HER*’. I never knew how to express it, but this time I have to show her what is there in for her; as this time it is story of my life, which will be incomplete without her.
--- KEYWORDS:
FB* - Facebook
RCA* - Root Cause Analysis
Munnabhai*, PyarKaPunchnama* - Bollywood flicks
Deewana* - A music album sung by Sonu Nigam.
Mehrooni*: A youtube video symbolizing love, in fast life of Mumbai. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbfBaw2szq0
Tulsi Das* - Author of RamCharitManas, an Indian mythological book.
bolly* - short form Bollywood
HER* - I cannot take the name of ‘her’ as love is still considered a taboo in society; just want to say she has the fragrance of the sweetest flowers appended with the calmness and peace of moon.
HER* - I cannot take the name of ‘her’ as love is still considered a taboo in society; just want to say she has the fragrance of the sweetest flowers appended with the calmness and peace of moon.
--- Disclaimer, Statuary Warning---
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental…
All those going through this blog are reading it at their own risk, as it is first attempt from the author - written in two nights and one day with some editing sessions and most of all, it is un-reviewed by a third party system.
